User Profile

I like hamburgers! And, it just so happens that I use special sauce on dem. Yummy. And I don't mean that nasty stuff that McDonalds uses. Make it spicy! Yeah! I'd like to take a vacation some day to Death Valley. See the cacti there. See my first desert. When I was younger I went on vacations to the mountains. We would hike into the forest and sleep in caves and under really big trees. I love the animals there like the leprechauns. Once while I was there I met a mountain man named George William. He was a leprechaun hunter. He showed me the hat of one he almost caught. It was tiny and green. I told him that he would never catch one and he moved in with my family after that. He sits around all day now and watches soaps like Panda's Wyllie Fate while feeding scotch to our cat. Nibbers, our cat, is now an alcoholic but has calmed down noticeably. He used to puff up (like the time I put him in the dryer) whenever he heard the slightest noise. Like my dad's mighty snoring. Keeps me up at night. Did I mention that I'm not a girl? I'm a guy despite what it says earlier in the profile. Hope I didn't confuse you. Or do I? There's nothing like seeing someone's head being chewed on by a panda bear, after all. Good boy! Keep gnawing. Now in truth my life has been one long platypus madlib after another, filled with juicy sand and some peanut butter. After racing barns and red pinecones all day I come home dilapidated but ready for the night to begin. I start by throwing toenails to the next door neighbor. Then I cook dinner on the airport out back. The rest of the night is filled with murderous monkeys chasing my brother and pure sodium wondering ponderously towards oblivion.

I hope you enjoyed all that.
Josh

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